I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He better not be in your backpack
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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