she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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