Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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