Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
