and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
