he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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