My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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