I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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