Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
No subtext here. People are naked.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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