she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
