I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
