He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
it's like heaven, but drunker
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
