I feel great
I just peed on a car
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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