If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
