I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
