Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
