Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
