would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
