I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
