and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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