I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
