I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
