history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
