Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
