My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
