ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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