The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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