3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I can't turn off my feet"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
