we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
