He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
