She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
