She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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