hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
