3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
