atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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