When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
