My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
