i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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