Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
