I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
