omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
how drunk are you?
Several
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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