We're facebook friends in real life
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
