I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
