my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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