Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
