have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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