Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
