Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
