Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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