it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
