Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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