I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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