so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Randomize
